Author's posts
A doctor’s pandemic playlist
The COVID-19 pandemic was war, and I served in a foxhole. I survived, in part, by drowning my sorrow in song—music I abused as if it were drugs. I heard “Spaceman” by Nick Jonas today while driving to the hospital, and, at the peak of the c…
When a doctor acts like one of the kids
Sue went to the operating room today, which was not at all what I recommended, not that we ever discussed my personal opinion on the matter. With a worsening small bowel obstruction, I woke up this morning and, realizing that matters had worsened overn…
Am I an internist or a milkman?
I have too many important tasks during my workday to leave anything to chance in the hazy, slanted dawn. Failure is not on my schedule for tomorrow. So tonight, I will once again pack a lunch, lay out my clothes, and set up the coffee pot. Before arriv…
This doctor sometimes listens to pirates
I read in a dusty novel that a famous pirate said there are no legacies in this life. Our lives, he said, float atop a fickle sea, and when we die, nothing remains. Many hands work the decks and, in the process, are worn, discarded, and forgotten. The …
When a doctor’s heart falls: Witnessing raw emotion in medicine
On this particular day, my heart rolled off my arm and crashed on the cold exam room floor. I summoned the strength—from where? I don’t know. Ginny cried, and between sobs, she described a brain tumor, the one that left him in a bed for a year. I…
An internal medicine doctor’s appreciation of a patient’s name
I limped into work one morning and, tired from the day which had yet to begin, paused when I did not recognize the name of my first patient. This likely meant that I saw him once, enough to—maybe—remember the basics of his health care, but not his name…
When the doctor’s office becomes a confession booth
“I made a big mistake a long time ago.” These words snapped my concentration. I squinted at the computer screen, and even though it had been stable, I waited for Brenda’s pancytopenia to collapse entirely. I enjoyed seeing Brenda, the…
When this doctor gets a zero star rating
I can’t stop thinking about “customer satisfaction,” which is weird because I don’t actually have customers. I’m a primary care doctor for a group of patients in Martinsburg, WV, and have done so for almost twenty years. A…
A surprising resolution in primary care
I normally don’t make professional resolutions, but this year I am making an important exception. Why would I do such a thing? Like most of my evolution as a doctor, it comes from the wellspring of wisdom, namely listening to my patients. I had a…
The beautiful exhaustion of primary care
I’ve been reflecting lately because, honestly, I feel like I am—finally—good at primary care. With experience, patience, and, dare I say, wisdom, I experience satisfaction, knowing I can do this job. I’m the real McCoy. Or, in my case, the …
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