I was on service as the attending physician recently, and it struck me how closely our sickest patients in the intensive care setting mirror the political mires of our country. Usually, when I’m on service, it’s an all-consuming matter, wit…
Category: Critical Care
A dead baby in my arms
Five days before this story begins, where everything is upside down, and the end is the beginning. Me, standing in my PICU, slowly approaching that cradle, then removing the medication, one by one, turning off the syringe pumps. Saying out loud the num…
Lesson learned: Pick your battles
It was a known fact — I was 4′ 11″ but I had a mouth on me to compensate. I was loud and noisy. Fellow nurses called me the “rebel without a cause.” But I had a cause. I knew I was David against Goliath. Almost everything became…
Looking across the glass door: a COVID-19 vigil
A small piece of lint is tickling my nose as I am desperately trying not to sneeze into the tight-fitting mask on my face. I know that I will not be able to adjust the mask as my gloves are sterile, and I am standing suspended over a patient’s bo…
They didn’t teach social media in medical school
Why should doctors become involved in social media? I asked myself this same question a few years ago. My answer was, “I don’t know.” I saw no redeeming reason to get involved with social media as a physician. At the time, I just s…
Pause for a moment to feel your energy
When was the last time you paused for a moment to feel your energy? I mean, really get in touch with the energy you hold inside your being? Could it be as physicians, we have gotten so used to that stressful feeling or that drained feeling at the end o…
Raising the white flag isn’t about surrendering to a broken system
So here I am. I just finished updating my CV so I can apply for associate professor this fall. And I hadn’t touched it since last year. It needed a lot of work. I look at this, and I think, “Wow.” And then I also think: What about all…
I am an ICU nurse. We are drowning. [PODCAST]
“Tears and sweat drown my face as I try to rip off my PPE and exit the room. I didn’t want to leave him, but I couldn’t bear another second in that reality. A whirlwind of emotions crash over me, and my knees weaken. I thought, “If I can just get…
Sometimes an ounce of compassion feels like a waterfall
My husband Jeremy and I stood just inside the entrance of the NICU, between the front desk where we used to get our bright orange stickers, permitting our entry as proud parents of Reed Robinson, Room 363, and the washing station, where we meticulously…
Don’t look in. What you will see is uncomfortable.
Don’t look in: No, this isn’t a typo, it’s the sentiment many of my colleagues and I feel right about now. After a long stretch of shifts over New Year’s, I needed a mental break, so I logged into my trusty Netflix account and f…
