I had known AR for eight days before she passed away. AR’s medical record was littered with phrases all too familiar in the field of medicine: she had “poor insight into the severity of her disease” and was “insisting on all res…
Category: Palliative care
Palliative care: Most doctors do not know how to talk to their patients
“If you don’t let us go home because of the vomiting, his time is running out … I don’t want him to be at a point where there is nothing else to do, and I don’t want him to go home at that point,” said J’s mom. ̶…
Does your patient advocate have access to stop the medicalized death train?
My mom has Alzheimer’s dementia and lives in memory care. During her February 4th, 2022 health visit, her chart reflected stage FAST 7A (a 7-step staging system for dementia). I am her patient advocate, durable power of attorney for health care (…
Complicated grief: the hidden pandemic in health care workers
As a hospice and palliative care physician, grief is a familiar concept to me. It is most often discussed in the context of loss of life. However, grief at the root is simply profound and agonizing distress caused by loss — any loss. In hospice a…
How do we explain the end-of-life rally?
Granny Rachel, my husband’s mother, was an old country soul. She was a simple lady who loved the Lord. She accepted me with open arms when my own parents turned their backs on me. Granny Rachel made the best sweet tea and the best homemade vegeta…
A crushing blow in a workplace I loved
My gut churned, a burning rose into my chest as I read the email. It’s happening again repeated on a reel in my mind, followed by I need to leave this job. But I wasn’t quitting. I was triggered. It was years after I’d had the rug pu…
What shared journeys to the afterlife teach about dying well and living better [PODCAST]
“The more I spoke with individuals who had experienced a shared crossing event, the more I also noticed repeating patterns. A woman in West Virginia and a woman in Australia with deeply similar experiences around the loss of a baby. A grown daugh…
What shared journeys to the afterlife teach about dying well and living better
An excerpt from At Heaven’s Door: What Shared Journeys to the Afterlife Teach About Dying Well and Living Better. What brings you here? I ask this question of every person who steps through the door because they have come to talk about death—the …
When you die: a poem
I will tell you exactly And only the facts. You are trapped a little for a time And unhappy Then your face hollows and it has a death mask As the soul withdraws from the body And you look at me and tell me who you see It is always someone, Sitting ther…
It’s not an easy thing to unlearn how to save a life
For the last couple of decades, I was trained to save lives. I sat shoulder to shoulder with others who drilled this in me when I was green, sometimes even through humiliation. I learned to perceptively read patient cues, develop quick reflexes, and th…
