What is it like to lose a patient to suicide?

We bear the pain in different ways. For me, it feels like you’re a combat medic and you’ve used up all your tourniquets on a wounded soldier that seems to hemorrhaging from everywhere. The blood seeps through the skin, and no matter what you do you cannot stop the soldier from choking to death on their own blood, even as your hands, arms, and legs are applying pressure wherever they can. The soldier dies in your arms … and so you move on to help the next soldier and the next, all the while aware of the blood that now stains your hands, not because you killed that soldier, but because you didn’t save them. It stains your hands because you failed. With every patient loss, the bl...

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